Amikolle

As I begin again…

Written on May 23, 2008 // clean, me.

I am trying to see what I have not done in the past so that I can try new things this time. This is the third time I am attempting to stay clean. I have made it months at a time, but I always seem to fall back down. I’m not certain if that way of life is so ingrained in my personality at this point or what, but I am finding it very difficult to keep my mind on the things that I know I should be focusing on.

All the cells in my body seem to have an internal gps that leads me to SW Baltimore, to the seediest, most insane places. And then the constant screaming shuts up, because I am home. But I don’t want that to be my home anymore. I am so tired of the lying, and sketchy people, and feeling sick, and being afraid of the cops, and running, just running, from everything.

So I am trying again. Hopefully this will be the last time for me….

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Badr (Check me out!)
May 23, 2008, 4:10 pm
Everyone has always a time when they have fallen to the ground and not in a good way. It is always hard when you fall down and you have to get up again. Then again, that is why we fall down, to get up and keep going. You have a lot of people that care about you. you yhave your family who will always support you even if you think they have given up. They don’t give up because you are the light that shines for them. You have your friends, who may not understand why, you do this, but they hope you get it over with. There is your son, that although for the time being he doesnt know all the details, he will one day and your story will be an inspiration to him, on how to persevere. Last but not least (I hope), I am here. I love you with all my heart, and I promised you one time and I again say it, I am here to support you, and I will help you get up all the times you need to, but like the rest, I hope that you learn to say no, to your Fury, and teach it, that you rule over it. I think you are a talented, intelligent woman, and that all you have to do is believe in yourself to get going. And whenever you get an urge or your Fury is taking over, remember to call me, your family or your friends and we will always drop from where we are to keep you safe.

I love you, I love you so much, I just want to see you happy and content. I will be with you till the end of time.

Badr
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