Amikolle

I feel like I am always at the beginning of the journey, like I never get past the first few moments.

Starting over is excruciating for me.  It means I have to deal with the wreckage of whatever I have been doing, the guilt, the humiliation.  I feel like everyone walks on eggshells, afraid that they will “set me off” again.  People have little whispered conversations behind my back, and cast worried glances in my direction.

This time I am doing things differently.  It has become glaringly apparent that I cannot do this all by my lonesome, and therefore I have to look outside of myself for answers and suggestions.  The best way I know how to do this is with Narcotics Anonymous.  I got clean with NA, stayed clean by going to NA, and relapsed when I neglected NA.

Now all I have to do is get over myself enough to take suggestions and do the emotional and psychological work necessary for recovery.